


to all the girls i’ve loved before

by alessjune



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: Emily falls in love with literally any girl that gives her attention and it's a mood, F/F, To All The Boys I Loved Before AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-30
Updated: 2019-04-24
Packaged: 2019-07-04 12:32:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15841374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alessjune/pseuds/alessjune
Summary: When her secret love letters somehow get mailed to each of her five crushes, Emily finds her relatively low school profile turned upside down.Or: I woke up at 3 in the morning last night and thought that bemily in TATBILB would be adorable.





	1. Chapter 1

“ _The forbidden kiss_ ,” Emily reads, her eyes skimming the page eager to see what happens. “ _We knew that it was wrong. That she was betrothed by my best friend_.”

She tries to not let her mind wander too far. Tries not to envision Aubrey as the person the author had written about. But it’s becoming more and more difficult not to pretend that the blonde woman isn’t her knight in shining armour that people write about in fairytales. Dazzling blue eyes, a kind smile, determined and strong willed, a true leader…

“ _But if this wasn’t what she wanted, then why did she come to the field of desire_?” Emily grips the sides of her book. She couldn’t believe that the woman actually showed up to the field of desire. What does this mean for her best friend? For their friendship? “ _It was fated, that we should meet like this_.”

Emily can barely hide her gasp as she attempts to not spoil the ending by reading too quickly. Does she and Aubrey -- she means Laura. Do Laura and Joshua kiss? And wh--

A pillow hits her square in the face, pulling her out of her daydream and causing her to yelp in surprise. “Hey!”

“Are you coming down for Bellas night or what, Legacy?” Fat Amy questions, impatiently crossing her arms and leaning against the doorframe of Emily and Stacie’s shared room.

The tall brunette rolls so that her feet slide off from the wall and she’s sitting upright again. “I just want to finish this chapter,” She explains, motioning to the closed romance novel beside her.

Fat Amy rolls her eyes, clearly not in the mood to wait for the youngest Bella to finish. They both hear dishes clattering in the kitchen and Emily jumps a little in surprise. In a beat, Chloe walks swiftly passed them before stopping just before the stairs and looks to Emily and Fat Amy expectantly.

“Should we go down and help her?” Emily offers.

The redhead sighs and shakes her head. “She wants to do it herself, but come help me set the table.”

Emily begrudgingly follows the two senior Bellas down the stairs, only half listening to their conversation, still thinking about the book. She feels so guilty about her recent feelings for Aubrey, but they seemed to have just appeared the moment Emily met the blonde at The Lodge at Fallen Leaves. Of course with her luck, she quickly learned that Aubrey was taken -- enamoured, really -- by Chloe.

“-- I hate it when CR tries to make Korean food. It always tastes like butt,” Amy complains.

“Regardless, whatever CR puts in front of you, take a bite and say, ‘Mm, even better than the Korean takeout we used to get but got banned from because someone showed their vagina to the President, and Mr. Yi didn’t want poor press,’ okay?” Chloe explains pointedly.

“Mr. Yi was intimate with my lady parts long before the rest of the nation.”

Emily cringes at the mental image of poor, old Mr. Yi and Fat Amy. When they get to the bottom of the staircase, Beca is trying to help Cynthia Rose with the dinner while the other girls find their spots at the table. A sharp knock at the door catches Emily’s attention and she smiles at Aubrey when she walks into the Bella house.

“Hey,” The blonde greats Chloe, recieving a hello back, meeting the redhead at the front entrance. “I was trying to meditate, but I ended up falling asleep.”

Chloe just giggles in response and leans up onto her tippy toes to peck a kiss on Aubrey’s lips casually. Emily watches soberly, head tilt as the blonde knight in shining armour walks with the co-captain to the table.

The blonde compliments how good the food smells and Cynthia Rose gives her a wide smile in appreciation, offering a spoonful of stir-fry and watching as Aubrey takes a bite and nods. Emily wraps her arms around the bottom post of the railing and hugs it close to her.

Not _her_ knight in shining armour. Her _best friend’s_.

Aubrey turns to greet the rest of the table and then spots Emily at the stairs, making her way over and giving her open arms to the brunette to walk into. The younger girl steps into Aubrey’s embrace and hugs her tightly, letting go first. “Emily,” Aubrey says fondly, a small smile on her lips.

Emily excitedly grins a little too wide in return before Aubrey walks back to the table, making light conversation with Jessica and Ashley.

What kind of best friend does that to another best friend? You don’t steal girlfriends. No matter the circumstance, really. But Emily just can’t stop imagining waking up in Aubrey’s bed, or their movie date nights, or singing her own lyrics to the girl of her dreams.

Emily feels like the most awful person in the entire world.

 

The conversation flows naturally between all of the girls during dinner. Emily keeps telling herself to not look at Aubrey, so of course every cell in her body wants to look at the blonde. She invests a little too much interest in whatever biology mumbo jumbo Stacie and Flo are going on about, nodding along like it’s a thrilling chapter of one of the cheap romance novels Emily’s been buying from the local Barden bookstore on her early Thursdays off.

Chloe goes to the pantry to get more napkins for the group, kissing Aubrey’s temple on the way up.

“I can’t believe that the internship Chloe’s going to during spring break is all the way in New York,” Stacie says, picking at her stir-fry before finding a lone baby carrot and stabbing it victoriously with her fork.

“We won’t see her until the end of March. She booked a couple extra weeks to look at apartments and whatever,” Beca explains. “But look on the brightside, I’m not going to make us run four miles a day as warm-up like Crazy Captain.”

“You better not be soft on these girls, Mitchell,” Aubrey reponds, looking at the smaller girl unimpressed.

Emily’s heart does backflips. Full out Simone Biles gymnastics just looking at the blonde be so… in control? Something about her unwavering morals makes Emily swoon. The young Bella wishes that she could be as confident and sure as Aubrey.

“Unless I need to start running practices for you so you can work on the set list and I can whip these aca-bitches into shape!” Aubrey jokes. At least, Emily hopes that she’s joking.

Seeing Aubrey almost every day? Emily might actually die. Though, Beca seems to be considering it.

“What did I miss?” Chloe asks when she enters the room, a slight pep to her step as she puts the napkins down on the table.

“Just Aubrey’s overwhelming need to be the best at everything,” Fat Amy quips, taking a large bite out of her food.

Aubrey doesn’t seem to be affected by the Australian’s choice of words and smiles brightly at her girlfriend. “Yeah, we were, but we were also talking about New York, which speaking of… I have a surprise for you.” The blonde digs around in her purse before pulling out an envelope and handing it to Chloe.

“Oh!” The redhead takes the envelope curiously and opens it in front of everyone, revealing airplane tickets to New York during a week of spring break.

“I know that it’ll be odd leaving the Bellas at such a vital time, so I figured I’d come for a bit. Maybe scope out some apartments with you?” Aubrey explains happily.

“You already bought these?” Chloe asks, brows furrowing in thought.

The blonde looks taken aback. “Well, yeah, I made sure to book them as soon as you told me what program you were interested in. Am I not supposed to be looking at New York with you? I found a lodging resort that needs a new owner so I figured I’d just expand The Lodge to ' _The Lodge at Staten'_.”

The room falls silent, waiting to see what Chloe will do next. Emily almost reaches out to hold Aubrey’s hand reassuringly.

 _Almost_.

 

It’s not that Emily wanted to steal Aubrey away from Chloe or anything. Over the couple months that Emily has gotten to know the co-captain, they’ve grown really close. The brunette feels as though Chloe’s taken on a bit of a parental role for Emily while the new Bella makes her way through her first year of college. Hell, Chloe was the first person to know about Emily’s little crush on Beca Mitchell at the start of the year and not a single other Bella knew. So trust was something that Emily knew she could have in the redhead.

Emily really has nothing against her friend, she swears. But her feelings for Aubrey are persistent and oh-so-annoying.

Which is why Emily wrote a letter. She wasn’t going to send the letter or anything, it was just for her to try and understand how she was feeling. But really, she guesses that it was mainly about how sometimes she imagined what it would’ve been life if she had told Aubrey about how she felt about her sooner.

The letters, alongside the journal of her song lyrics, are Emily’s most secret possessions. There are five total: Kenna from camp; Beca from orientation week; Luna from Homecoming; Jo from Model UN; and Aubrey.

She writes a letter when she has a crush so intense that she doesn’t know what else to do. Emily’s embarrassed to say that in the five months she’s been in college, she’s already had to write two letters. Rereading her letters reminds her of how powerful her emotions can be, how all-consuming.

And Chloe would say that Emily’s being dramatic, but the brunette thinks that maybe drama can be fun…

“What are you doing?” Stacie asks, waltzing into their shared bedroom.

“Nothing.” Emily scrambles to put the letters back into the box and shove it unceremoniously under her bed.

… Just as long as nobody else knows about it.

“Your side of the room is a mess,” Stacie claims before falling back onto Emily’s bed and staring up at the ceiling.

Emily shrugs and slides onto the small twin bed next to Stacie. “Is she okay?”

Stacie knows that she’s talking about Chloe, and pauses. “I don’t know. I think she just broke up with Aubrey.”

“She what?!” The younger girl exclaims, her jaw dropping slightly. “Why?”

“Chloe says she wants to start her new life without any past attachments. Or some bullshit excuse like that,” Stacie murmurs, her eyes fluttering closed.

Emily frowns. “But she loves her.”

“I know.”

“Do you think she’ll change her mind?” Emily’s reeling, trying to figure out what’s happening and what this means to her.

It should mean absolutely nothing. Just because they’re broken up doesn’t mean she can just go ahead and date her friend’s ex. She could never.

Stacie huffs out a breath in annoyance and opens an eye to peer towards Emily. “Dude, who knows. But at least try and hide your toner a little better. The Hunter can smell it from here.”

“... Can we go back to talking about how my room’s a mess?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This really doesn’t have any sort of schedule so bare with me

The girls walk with Chloe down to her car that’s parked on the street in front of the house. A few girls are helping the co-captain with her last few boxes that have to be loaded in the trunk. If Emily had just been someone from one of the other sorority houses watching them, she would’ve thought that the redhead was moving out for good.

Chloe tells her to pack more than she will ever need so that she never realizes she needed something she didn’t have with her. 

It’s still scary watching someone that has quickly become a Mother figure in the short few months head off to a different state for almost a month.

The girls all take turns giving their goodbyes. All of them hug the girl tightly before letting Chloe move on to the next girl. Beca is beside Emily, and when it’s her turn to say her farewell, the small woman has a frown on her face.

“Dude, I have no clue how to run this team without your help,” Beca confides, fiddling around with one of the bracelets on her wrist. “You can’t just ditch me halfway through the season when its make or break against DSM.”

Chloe seems to be thinking for a second before she answers back, “I told Aubrey that if you needed it, to come to a few practices and help. Besides, Flo was helping me organize the choreography. We’ve got girls that fill in for a bit. You focus on making us a totes amazing setlist while I’m away.”

The youngest Bella freezes. Aubrey is… oh. Oh my stars. Okay.

“Now as for you,” Chloe directs her attention to Emily. “You gonna be okay?”

Emily shrugs, the toe of her shoe scuffing into the sidewalk. “Do you have to leave right before my English midterm? We were supposed to go out for ice cream after,” Emily doesn’t mean for it to sound so childlike. And not going out for ice cream isn’t a big deal really. It’s more because the co-captain had been offering her spare time to help Emily study, take Emily out for coffee every Wednesday, help Emily whenever she feels like she’s not enough for the Bellas.

After the riff off when Chloe had gotten mad at Emily for singing an original, Chloe apologized afterward and tried to work around the fact that they didn’t have a setlist yet. Teaching Emily how to harmonize and match pitch.

Chloe is what was making this whole experience fun and safe. Letting Emily stay in her comfort zone a little. She doesn’t know what to do with herself for almost a month all alone.

“Well, Beca can take you out for ice cream, right Becs?” 

Beca shrugs in question. “I guess so. I could use some time to chill.”

“See!” Chloe beams, bright blue eyes shining. “Take this as an opportunity to branch out, Em. The girls don’t bite."

Stacie gives Emily a little nudge and a wink. “Well, some do.”

The younger Bella blushes a bit and turns back to Chloe. It’s only three weeks. It’s only three weeks. Holy frick, that’s what, twenty-one days?! That’s a lot of days. “Just try and FaceTime me a bit? I don’t want to lose all of the stuff I learned while you were away.”

“Of course, cutie,” Chloe nods, pulling Emily into a bone-crushing hug. “Stay safe.”

Emily mumbles back the same and watches and Chloe gets into her car, waving one last time to the girls before driving off.

“Can we get a dog now?” Fat Amy asks once the redhead has taken the turn off of their street.

Beca ponders for a moment, “Depends on the breed.”

  
  


Emily had spent the entire night moving aimlessly through her and Stacie’s room. Picking up stuff on her side of the floor and moving them into boxes that Chloe had left behind for any of the Bellas to use. Lilly had taken one immediately and murmured something about a spaceship, which Emily chose to ignore out of fear for her life.

“Are you going to bed, hot stuff?” Stacie asks, taking off her eye mask to watch Emily struggling to pack one last book into the box. 

The young Bella shakes her head and grunts when the box tips over with the new weight. “I was about to after I finished filling this box.”

Stacie hums in acknowledgment and pushes herself up so that her back is leaning against her headboard. “Does this have anything to do with your crush being single and her ex-girlfriend being in a different state?”

“No,” Emily lies, putting the stuff in the cardboard box again and smiling in satisfaction when it stays up this time. “My crush is recently heartbroken and my best friend is in a different state.”

The older Bella fakes a hurt gasp. “Then what am I?”

“My  _ annoying _ friend.”

  
  


The campus wasn’t as busy as it normally was, most of the students in their dorm rooms or packing cars. Emily was stuck with the very last midterm on the schedule and walked in the halls eager to officially be on spring break with the rest of the college.

She walks past a group of friends from another class and waves at them, still walking towards the classroom. In the short moments that she isn’t paying attention to what’s ahead of her, Emily crashes into someone.

“Hey what th-- oh, hey Emily,” Jesse says. 

She smiles at the boy in front of her. “I’m so sorry. I wasn’t paying attention.”

“Obviously,” He says bemusedly.

Emily frowns to herself. She knows that Jesse’s a pretty nice guy. Nice enough to level out with Beca’s stubbornness and badass attitude, but sometimes when she talks to him she feels like he’s really just a nice douchebag. He sounds like he’s joking when he makes jokes about Emily’s height or clumsiness, but it always feels like, under the thin teasing tone, he’s dead serious.

The rest of the Bella’s are neutral when it comes to how they feel about Jesse. Chloe said once that as long as Beca’s happy, it’s none of their business.

Emily wasn’t around for the first three years that Jesse and Beca were together, but she feels like none of it would change how she feels about the Treblemaker.

He’s just not Emily’s favorite person.

“Cute boots,” He compliments smugly. “Thank you for your service.” The boy moves his hand to mock-salute Emily with a smile on his face.

She really can never tell if he’s being friendly or sincerely a jerk. Plus, she really likes her boots, so that one stung a little.

“They’re vintage. I got them on Etsy…” 

“And they’re amazing,” Emily hears Stacie gush, moving to the younger Bella’s side and wrapping a protective arm around the legacy’s waist. “Not everyone can pull them off.”

So, the rest of the Bella’s are neutral when it comes to how they feel about Jesse. All of them except for Stacie, who’s never given Emily a reason as to why. The older woman always says that she never needs the motive to hate someone.

Jesse gives a tight smile to the two of them. “Hey, I meant no harm. Just friendly teasing the aca-legacy. Besides, Stacie, don’t yo--”

“-- Hey babe!” Beca strides over to the three of them, kissing Jesse on the cheek.

Emily presumes that maybe Jesse does hate her because of orientation week. She had been walking around the booths looking at clubs. More specifically, looking for the Barden Bellas. After watching the Trebles perform, she had assumed that the Bellas were going to be up next. When they never did, she figured they just stuck to a booth this year.

On her march to the Bellas house, she ran into Beca. They chatted a bit about auditioning, though the smaller girl had seemed distracted the entire time. When she asked Emily to pretend that they had never met, Emily confusedly went along with it. And then when Beca had jammed her finger when she moved to open her car door, Emily took the hurt hand and placed a kiss on the finger.

Because that’s what her Mom always does when she hurts herself, and she hadn’t thought about how strange it was until she pulled away and was met with inquisitive eyes and a faint blush.

So maybe Jesse heard about what Emily had done from Beca. Or maybe Emily didn’t mask her crush on the Bella very well. 

But Emily had written Beca a letter trying to get out all of the gooey feelings she had, which usually made her a little less socially awkward in front of her crushes. 

“So I was just complimenting Emily on her government-issued boots,” Jesse explains, wrapping his arms possessively around Beca. 

Emily holds her breath and can feel Stacie’s arm around her tighten. Beca frowns and furrows her brows in confusion.

Unfazed, Jesse smiles dryly. “Anyways, I’m gonna go say hi to some Trebles.”

When he leaves, just the three Bellas remain. Stacie with her arm around Emily, looking pissed, Emily with a forced smile, and Beca, her arms crossed and guilty.

“He just stopped drinking coffee for some bet with the Trebles. I’m pretty sure he’s just in withdraw,” Beca excuses apologetically, motioning back to the direction her boyfriend took off in.

Stacie rolls her eyes. “Are you sure he just doesn’t have a chemical imbalance?” 

The co-captain grimaces but nods. “Right…” She takes a step back and does a small little wave goodbye before taking off to find the Treblemaker.

Stacie finally lets go of her hold on Emily and turns so that they’re facing each other.

The legacy has no idea what Jesse did to make Stacie hate him so much, but she thinks that him not being the kindest towards her has only made Stacie dislike him more.

“Do you really think my boots are amazing?” Emily asks, looking down at her shoes self consciously. 

“If you ask it ruins the whole vibe, babe. Be cool.”

  
  


She feels mostly terrible about how the exam turned out. Emily had hoped that there would be more questions about their reading material for the year, but almost all of it was comprehension. 

 

**Emily, 2:07**

_ Stace, where are you??? _

 

She stands in front of the main hall awkwardly, attempting to use her phone as a less uncomfortable excuse as to why she’s standing alone. 

 

**Stacie, 2:08**

_ Finished early. Went w Flo 2 the mall _

 

Emily groans in frustration and pockets her phone. She looks around the busy hall and decides to walk to the Bella house alone. 

The weather’s gradually gotten hotter and hotter throughout the week. Emily pulls out her bottle of water during her walk to try and cool off. When she takes the path through the outdoor gathering area and beside the auditorium that she and the rest of the Bellas have their practices, she spots Aubrey on the outside bench, nose buried in a notebook.

When Emily slows to stand in front of the blonde, the senior Bella notices the shadow cast over her and looks up. 

“Hey.”

“Um. Is this seat taken?” Emily motions to the empty space beside Aubrey.

The blonde closes her notebook and smiles. “Yeah. Well, by you…” She finishes lamely.

Emily laughs softly and takes a seat next to Aubrey, shouldering off her backpack and putting it by her feet. Out in front of them, a couple kids are playing frisbee on the grass, shouting and laughing when someone drops the disc. Three girls sit on a blanket under the shade of the tree, talking in hushed whispers and motioning to certain boys that are waiting for the disc to be thrown to them. 

“I… I’ve got to ask,” Aubrey begins, following Emily’s gaze toward the students in front of them. “Did she tell you when she was going to do it?”

One of the guys takes his shirt off claiming that it’s getting too hot outside. The girls on the blanket are all staring at him in awe.

“Because the two of you have gotten close over the past couple months, right? So…” The blonde trails off, lips pursed in thought.

Emily shakes her head and takes a sip of her water before answering. “She didn’t tell me about this.”

She can feel the disappointment radiating from the senior Bella. She wonders if she should offer her shoulder to cry on. Or a hand to hold. Or just some company for the rest of the day. But she knows that being intimate (even friendly) is dangerous territory when it comes to how she feels about Aubrey.

“The rest of the Bellas are still good with me?” Aubrey quietly muses, her usually confident demeanor shaken down.

Emily smiles and nods in agreement. “Yeah, you’re good.”

The blonde seems a little more at ease. “Good. Good.”

“Do you want a carrot?”

Aubrey looks away from the guys playing frisbee and watches as Emily pulls out carrots from her backpack, offering the plastic baggy to her. “Yes please.”

They shift to get closer and more comfortable together, shoulder to shoulder while they eat the snacks Emily had packed and sit in silence. 

She knows that it’s dangerous. Being here, sitting with Aubrey and learning how to be comfortable with the blonde while they’re alone together. But she’s seen the warning signs and she’s made sure to listen to them. Regardless of how she feels about Aubrey, she could never do that to Chloe.

 


	3. Chapter 3

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” 

Emily spins to see who’s calling after her, spotting Beca jogging to her side. 

“Hi,” Beca pants, a little out of breath. She bends over a bit to rest her hands on her knees and catch her breath. “You have like, crazy long legs. Has anyone ever told you that? Jesus, you walk fast.”

The taller brunette feels the colour rise up to her cheeks and looks away so Beca can’t see her face.

“How are you?” The co-captain questions. She’s brushing her hair back with her hands and tying it up, giving Emily the perfect view of her neck and collarbone.

Emily tries to ignore the chill that runs down her back. “Good.”

Beca does her signature lazy smirk and nods. “Good. You ready for ice cream?”

“Oh, yeah, totally! I mean, if you are? But also, I’m sorta really busy with um… Biggie! Yeah, my friend got a dwarf hamster named Biggie Smalls and I’m looking after him while she’s visiting family. So I’ve… um… dwarf duty,” The legacy rambles on and Beca watches her with a confused but patient look. 

“Another time then?” Beca offers. She seems a little disappointed and the younger Bella tries not to overthink what that might mean. “Maybe tomorrow?”

Emily smiles and adjusts the backpack strap on her shoulder. “Maybe! Who knows!” She claims before darting out of the situation as fast as possible.

What in the Aca-Gods was that, She thinks to herself. Who knows? Oh my stars.

“See ya, Junk!” She hears Beca call out.

 

She sprawls herself out on the couch in her friend’s dorm room and reaches into the large bowl for a handful of popcorn. Her and Biggie are watching some romantic comedy that Emily had found in the movie racks of Walmart when she had gone snack hunting before coming to the dorms. 

As much as she loves living with the Bellas, the dorms are a little more private and a lot less loud. She had told Stacie she’d be staying in her friend’s dorm for the weekend, which had caused the older woman to raise an eyebrow in suspicion. Emily shrugged it off and told her about the hamster and that she wouldn’t be doing anything over PG.

“What do you think Chloe’s doing tonight?” Emily asks the hamster, his beady eyes trained on his treat bag outside of his hamster ball.

He doesn’t say anything, which Emily’s sorta grateful for. She’s worried she would lose her mind if animals started talking to her.

“I miss her…” Emily admits to the furball, taking another handful of popcorn. “Y’know, if I had a girlfriend, maybe I wouldn’t be stuck thinking about the Chaubrey fiasco.”

The character on screen confesses his love to the girl of his dreams and she runs into his arms, crying tears of joy. Emily huffs in annoyance.

“Come on, Biggie. Not even a look to acknowledge my ship name for the two of them?” 

Biggie doesn’t look and Emily feels like she’s becoming insane. She takes another handful of popcorn. This time, she offers a piece to Biggie through the door of his hamster ball, which he takes happily. “I just wish it was easy, Bigs. That Aubrey or Beca or someone would just give me a sign… Love sucks so much.”

She thinks about calling Stacie and asking if she wants to come over to binge something on Netflix, but decided against it. The older Bella is probably taking advantage of a room to herself. 

Emily takes Biggie and puts him in his cage, giving him one last piece of popcorn before jumping onto the bed beside it. Maybe she’ll just buy a hamster to occupy her time instead of investing her energy in a relationship that could end poorly.

At least a hamster couldn’t fight with her or anything, right? Maybe she’d name it Tupac.

That would be cute. 

Chloe would probably think she was depressing. Spending a Friday night watching movies with a rodent and talking to herself. 

 

“What did you do last night?” Stacie asks while they round the corner and down the path that leads towards the city park. 

Emily keeps up with her jog fairly well, although she still feels like she’s lagging behind a little. “I finished another book. It was good.”

“Another bodice ripper, you little perv.”

“I enjoy them for their camp,” Emily explains, embarrassed. 

Going for runs with the older Bella has become a regular activity for Emily. Almost every morning, rain or shine, Stacie puts on her running shoes and follows the back pathway behind the Bellas house all the way to the park and back. During the start of the year, Emily would shyly ask if she would be able to tag along. She would only go with Stacie every once and awhile, disappointed in her four years of high school volleyball not being enough to carry her about on their run. The legacy is proud to say that after two months of running every day with Stacie, she can make it to the park and back without feeling like she’s about to die.

“Hey, can I talk to you?!” The two girls slow to a halt and watch Beca meet up with them.

Emily points to herself in question. “Uh… me?”

“Yeah,” Beca says, looking at the younger Bella like that was obvious.

Stacie moves her hands to behind her back and bends so that she stretches out her back before coming back up and being met with two sets of watching eyes. “What?” She challenges. “BM, I heard Jesse dumped you for being too busy, that true?”

Beca rolls her eyes. “I heard you have a tail, Stace. Is that true?”

“Yep, really cute. Like a little piggy.” She snorts like a pig and Emily giggles.

“I, uh, I need to talk to Emily. Alone.”

Stacie hums and raises her hands in surrender. “Fine, fine. If you need me, I’ll be chatting with that hotty by the park bench.” 

The Bella jogs off and leaves Emily and Beca alone. Emily breathes out heavily and puts her hands on her hips, trying to even out her breathing.

“Look, I wanted to say that I really…” Beca frowns and continues, “I appreciate it, but it’s never gonna happen.”

Emily blinks back in surprise, tilting her head. “I’m sorry, what?”

“From what I remember of that night, it was cute for a first meeting, sure, and I think it’s really cool how you think I have storms raging in my eyes…”

The legacy furrows her brows in confusion and glances toward Beca’s hand, that seems to be holding-- Emily’s jaw drops and she can feel her heart beating a million miles an hour. How did the co-captain get the letter? How did Beca get the letter? How did-- 

“... It’s just Jesse and I are in a really weird place right now…” 

Emily feels herself lose balance and her eyes flutter before all of a sudden everything goes hazy and she falls smack on her back. She can faintly hear Beca calling out her name, and a pair of cold hands on her shoulders, but right now she’d prefer to just be dead.

How did Beca get the letter?

“Wake up!” 

The younger Bella’s eyes snap open and she blinks past the light and focuses on the person hovering in front of her. 

“Are you alright?” Beca asks, eyes doing a once over of Emily.

Emily gulps. “What happened?”

“You fainted.”

The legacy nods and closes her eyes again. “Oh… Okay.”

Beca purses her lips and pauses for a moment. “Here, give me your hand,” She instructs, holding out her hand for Emily to take. “And the other one too.”

The smaller woman pulls Emily until she’s sitting upright. Emily’s head is still spinning and she feels sick to her stomach for two entirely different reasons.

“Want me to call someone? Get you some water?” Beca asks worriedly. 

Emily rubs the back of her neck and sighs, “No, I’m okay.”

The very last thing she wanted to do was have her crushes know that she liked them. Now she’s just fainted and has one of the said crushes stressed over her health.

“You sure?”

Emily nods and looks anywhere but in Beca’s direction, avoiding her concerned gaze. The brunette spots someone walking towards them and visibly pales at the sight.

Aubrey. Holding a letter. Her letter.

“Oh my gosh,” Emily mutters. Aubrey can not know. Not with Chloe in a different state not even knowing what’s happening and, she assumes, the other three recipients have their letters too. “Oh my gosh!”

Beca’s hand is on Emily’s knee and without much thought, Emily moves so that her hands are on either side of the co-captain’s face and she’s on top of her, and they’re…

So that’s what it feels like to kiss Beca, Emily thinks to herself. 

“Hey!” Stacie calls out, mouth dropped in awe. “What the hell, Em?”

Emily pulls away and smiles uncomfortably at the girl under her, watching as colour rises up to Beca’s cheeks. “I um. Thank you.”

Beca pushes herself up and watches Emily walk backward towards Stacie, bright red. “Wait. Wha…?”

The young Bella spins on her feet and runs away, past Aubrey and grabbing her best friend’s arm, tugging her with her. 

On a list of terrible days Emily’s had, this had to be top three. 

She hears Aubrey call out for her and she runs faster and lets go of Stacie’s arm, letting Stacie run freely beside her. 

 

“What the hell was that?” Stacie finally asks.

Emily had dragged her friend into the dorms as soon as they got far enough from Beca and Aubrey to walk again. She fed Biggie and offered a bottle of water to Stacie before sitting on the end of the bed, deep in thought. Stacie sat down next to her, confused but overall entertained.

“We have to go to the Bellas house.”

Stacie nods and takes a drink of water. “Alright, hot stuff. What for?”

“I think someone sent out letters I wrote to my past crushes. It had to have been Fat Amy. She’s the only one that would do something like this,” Emily explains quickly. She feels like she’s going to faint again.

“Woah, hold up. You wrote letters to your crushes? Who were they?” Stacie asks, using the cold water bottle as an ice pack for her neck and forehead.

“Beca. Aubrey. Luna from Homecoming. Jo from Model UN. Kenna from camp.”

“Beca and Aubrey?” Stacie lets out a deep sigh and shakes her head. “Practice tonight is going to suck for you.”

 

When they get to the Bellas house, Emily books it upstairs to their room and tears her side of the room to shreds. She comes up empty and races back down the stairs to where the girls are studying and watching TV.

“Have any of you seen a green, sorta teal box thing? And it has fabric on the top of it, it’s round, and there’s a bow on it,” Emily rushes through her description.

“Wow. No ‘hey, Flo,’ no ‘why are you signing up for swimming lessons?’. I’ll tell you why; if we are on a boat that a criminal mastermind use--”

“-- I really need to know where my fabric box thing is, okay? My Mom gave it to me and it’s very important,” Emily cuts Flo off. 

“Em, you got mail,” Stacie says quietly. She motions to an envelope addressed to Emily.

Emily looks it over and her heart drops when she reads the name. This can’t seriously be happening right now.

She marches back upstairs and slams the door behind her, screaming into her pillow.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh. ha. sorry its been like,,,, months.

_The letters are out. They’re out and there’s nothing you can do about it_ , Emily thinks to herself as she walks back and forth in her and Stacie’s room. S _ilver lining, Kenna’s letter was addressed to the bunks at camp, so at least she’ll never find out how hard you were crushing after that game of Chubby Bunny_.

“You really oughta relax,” Stacie begs. She’s been laying on Emily’s bed the entire night, watching as the younger Bella paced around the bedroom nervously. At least Stacie made herself busy while she watched over her friend -- filing her nails, sexting Whats-His-Name, she even got some psych homework done.

“What if Aubrey thinks I love her?” Emily ponders aloud.

Stacie tilts her head. The soft white noise of the nail file stops and she blows off the dust slowly. “Don’t you though?”

“ _Loved_. Past tense. She’s Chloe’s.” Emily doesn’t even want to think about what could happen if Chloe found out that she had been crushing on Aubrey. It’s a rule that the younger Bella has desperately forced herself to live by for the sake of her friendships and unnecessary drama. You do not, under any circumstances, date a friend’s ex.

The older Bella sits back up on her bed and raises an eyebrow. She clears her throat and begins reciting dramatically, “ _Dear Aubrey, I lie awake at night and imagine running my fingers through your hair. Feeling your strong arms arou_ \--”

“Shut up!” Emily gasps undignifiably. “How did you even know what I wrote?”

Stacie smirks and shakes her head. “I just guessed.”

A harsh knock on their bedroom door pulls them out of their conversation and Emily prays that it’s not Beca. Stacie groans and pulls herself out of bed to open the door, revealing Fat Amy on the other side.

“Blondie is here and asking for you,” Fat Amy explains, pointing to Emily and rolling her eyes.

It’s like a string’s was fiddled with trying while trying to be tuned and got pulled to tight, snapping entirely. Emily’s heart drops and her entire body is filled with dread. She hears Stacie tell Fat Amy that they’ll be down in a little bit and shuts the door, leaving Emily standing in the middle of the bedroom lost and frustrated.

Stacie takes her place back on Emily’s bed and clears her throat, snapping the younger Bella out of her daze. “What’s the plan, cutie?”

“I had a meeting with my english professor,” Emily explains carefully, moving to the window by Stacie’s bed and willing the doubt aside before climbing out onto the roof. “I won’t be back until late tonight. I’m sorry I missed her.”

She starts to shuffle down the roof but her foot gets caught on one of the shingles and she log rolls down the rest of the ledge before falling to the porch with a loud bang.

“Ow!” Emily yelps, getting up gingerly. “Ow, ow, ow!”

She can hear Stacie snicker from their room and looks up. “I don’t know what you expected to happen, Em.”

The younger Bella just sighs and moves gingerly to her bike parked beside the house, not wanting to aggravate her now very sore hip and elbow.

 

Emily pulls up in front of the Corner Cafe and leans her bike against the side of the restaurant before heading inside, already beginning to feel more calm as the smell of milkshakes and burgers waft towards her. There’s a bar stool along the counter that runs in front of the kitchen and Emily slips onto the comfy faux red leather. The shop, and the seat itself has become her safe place to be alone -- none of the Bellas or classmates wander into the diner when there are better known spots much closer to campus. A stack of books neatly placed off to the side on the counter are the work of her and one of the waitresses here, a little public library for anyone who feels like picking through a novel instead of the paper or their Instagram feed.

She orders a cola and sits with her hands folded on the counter out in front of her, deep in thought. Everything has become so messy over the course of a couple days. When she had been dreaming of Barden University a year prior, there was no room for error or slip up. She was going to follow in her Mom’s footsteps and become a Bella, make some friends, maybe get a boyfriend. But Emily can’t help but feel like that plan came crashing down around her the second she became hopelessly infatuated with Beca that one gosh darn night and now it’s all starting to catch up with her -- the unrealistic goals, the pressure, the naivety -- and Emily’s not too sure if she can salvage anything from all of this.

Maybe being a Bella wasn’t what she was supposed to be doing. The thought alone brings a shiver down her spine and an overwhelming sense of dread. This is what she wants. Now’s not the time to be overthinking her entire existence.

Her soda comes and she slams one of the ends of her straw against the counter trying to pop it out of the wrapper. Admittedly, she does it a couple of times and harder than necessary just because of how worked up she’s made herself. It feels childish. Like she’s taking up too much space and this isn’t what she wanted but here she is here she is here she--

“Uh… Hey, Junk.” Emily turns to the voice to her left and sees Beca sitting two stools over, watching as the younger Bella’s eyes widen and her face turn pale.

Emily’s head darts to in front of her and stares at the counter, not lifting her mouth from her straw. If she doesn’t make eye contact, maybe Beca will disappear. At this point, weirder things could happen.

She feels a hand on her back and looks up to see Joan, a waitress at the shop that offered the box set of 50 Shades of Grey when Emily brought up the idea of a tiny library. “Anything for your friend?”

“She’s not with me,” Emily answers quickly, shaking her head. She still refuses to look at Beca, too afraid to face what Beca might have to say.

Beca clears her throat and tells Joan that she’d like a chocolate shake and Emily can feel the other girl’s curious gaze on her. She could just work around what she knows Beca wants to talk about. Pretend like nothing happened and hope to the aca-gods that the co-captain rolls with it and doesn’t force a terrible conversation.

“So,” Emily trails off for a second. “What are you doing at Corner Cafe?”

“What do you mean? I’m just here to take down one of those chocolate shakes,” Beca jokes lightly, shrugging and looking back behind Emily towards the busy kitchen.

The younger girl nods solemnly and looks back to her drink uncomfortably. “Cool.”

Beca watches her with careful eyes and Emily feels like she’s going to explode. “Actually, I stopped by your room, Stacie said you’d probably be here,” Beca admits.

Emily shifts in her chair and finally glances towards the smaller girl for longer than a second and feels like she can’t tear her gaze away. Her heart is beating in her ears. If Beca could just drop it, and pretend like nothing happened, and everyone could move past this.

“Look, I just wanna be super clear,” Beca says instead. “I’m flattered, I am, but Jesse and I just broke up so…”

“Are you trying to reject me?” Emily doesn’t mean for it to come out so harshly, but it’s too late for her to take it back. Bitterly, she decides that seems to be the theme for her as of late.

“Yeah, it didn’t really seem like it took the first time.” Beca’s face scrunches up as she tries to explain, gesturing vaguely and pointing to outside as if everything happened just moments ago.

Emily sighs. “Beca, I’m not trying to date you.”

“Okay but your mouth is saying something, but your _mouth_ said something different.” Beca moves around in her seat to face Emily better and looks at the younger girl with expecting eyes, as if what she just said was even remotely coherent.

“ _What_?” Emily questions.

Joan passes by with Beca’s milkshake and hands it to her with a smile. The older girl thanks her with a smile before the older woman walks away to attend to a different customer.

“Okay, um… So here’s the thing. I don’t actually like you,” Emily states as she toys with her straw awkwardly. “I just had to make it look like I liked you so someone else wouldn’t think that I liked them.”

“Oh, okay. Okay. Who?” Beca asks casually, nodding along. Emily can feel colour rise to her cheeks.

“What?”

“Who?” The co-captain repeats. “You’ve gotta tell me who this mystery stud is, otherwise I’m just gonna go on believing you have a secret tattoo with my face on it.”

“... No,” Emily swallows down her nerves and turns away from Beca.

“Should I tell the Bellas that you wrote me a love letter?” Beca asks teasingly, a light smirk on her lips as she leans on her arm against the countertop.

“Okay, okay, fine, fine, um…” Emily sighs in defeat before turning in the seat to face Beca. “It’s Aubrey.”

“ _Posen_?” Beca’s eyes widen with surprise. “ _Aubrey_ Posen? The hardass that had a No Trebles rule and is now _dating someone in our group_?”

“Yeah. Well. _Dated_ someone in our group. I guess,” Emily responds sheepishly. “And she also got a letter, so you could see how awkward and complicated rehearsals are gonna get if she thinks that I actually like her--”

“-- Woah hold on. Stop. I’m not the only girl who got a letter?” Beca cuts off her rambling, brows furrowed in confusion.

All Emily can do is shake her head slightly with her hands folded into her lap. She wants the floor to open up and eat her alive. Something, anything to put an end to all of this.

“Wow, you really think that you’re special, then you find out she wrote love letters to two guys,” Beca claims, taking a long draw from her milkshake.

“I, uh, I wrote five letters,” Emily squeaks out.

“ _Legacy_!”

**Author's Note:**

> Yell at me nicely:  
> @alessjune on tumblr


End file.
